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Photograiiiic 

Sciences 

Corporation 


33  WIST  MAIN  STMIT 

WHSTIR.N.Y.  USM 

(71*)a73-4S03 


CIHM/ICMH 

Microfiche 

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microfiches. 


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This  item  is  filmed  at  the  reduction  ratio  checked  below/ 

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itx 

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12X                            16X                           HR                           24X                            28X                            32X 

The  copy  filmed  here  hes  been  reproduced  thenks 
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LIbrery  of  the  Public 
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la  dernlAre  page  qui  comporte  une  telle 
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Un  des  symboies  suivants  apparaftra  sur  la 
dernlAre  image  de  cheque  microfiche,  selon  le 
cas:  le  symbols  — ►  signlfie  "A  SUIVRE",  le 
symbols  V  signifie  "FIN". 


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right  and  top  to  bottom,  as  many  frames  as 
required.  The  following  diagrams  Illustrate  the 
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Les  cartes,  planches,  tableaux,  etc.,  peuvent  Atre 
filmAs  A  des  taux  de  rAduction  diff Arents. 
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ETIQUETTE 


FOR    LADIES; 


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A  MANUAL  OF  THE 


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MOST  APPROVED  RULES  OF  CONDUCT 

In  |)oUsl)cii  Socictjj, 
For  Married  and  Unmarried  Ladies. 


COMPILED  FROM  THE  LATEST  AUTHORITIES 


BY  A  LADY  OF  NEW-YORK. 


There  is  nn  greater  sign  of  a  little  mind,  than  tit« 
affectation  of  despising  little  duties.— Mrs.  Brat. 


PHILADELPHIA: 

G.    B.    ZIEBER    &    CO. 

1845. 


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4     ^A,  ■    .» 


I  US' 
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Entered  according  to  Act  of  Congress  in  the  year  1S43, 
by  Jamks  Mow  ATT  ii  Co.»  in  the  CIcrli's  office  of  tlio 
District  Court  of  tlin  Soutliern  District  of  the  State 
of  New-Yorlc. 


'•  ■»'.•>.*•:_.-  '  •rv    Ak. 


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PREFACE. 


A  complete  knowledge  of  the  laws  of  et- 
iquette, is  indispensable  to  every  lady  who 
desires  to  preserve  her  own  dignity  in 
mingling  with  the  world,  and  who  hopes  to 
command  the  respect  due  to  her  sex.  An  elo- 
quent writer  on  the  necessity  of  these  laws, 
says,  that  **  as  man  is  a  social  being,  that 
science  must  be  an  important  one,  which 
teaches  him  how  to  conduct  himself  in  so- 
ciety." 

A  woman  may  have  many  excellent  qual- 
ities— her  heart  may  be  full  of  kindness, 
and  her  mind  richly  stored  with  knowledge 
— ^yet,  unless  she  is  acquainted  with  the 
despotic  little  laws  imposed  by  society, 
these  will  not  preserve  her  from  ridicule, 
or  teach  her  how  to  avoid  wounding  her 
best  friends,  by  an  act  which  they  may 
consider  slightinjc:. 


ill 


w 


\ 


•^■'' 


IV 


The  one  great  rule,  which  should  govern 
all  her  actions,  should  be  **  courtesy  to  all" 
The  high  and  the  low — the  tradesman  and 
the  domestic,  as  well  as  our  equals  and  su- 
periors, have  all  a  claim  to  courtesy — es- 
pecially, to  courtesy  from  a  woman.  By  that 
courtesy,  she  will  win  affection  and  esteem, 
more  rapidly,  and  more  certainly,  than  by 
her  talents,  wit,  or  learning.  She  gains  re- 
spect by  bestowing  it,  and  shows  her  own 
superiority,  by  assuming  none.  Courtesy  is 
generally  a  gainer,  but  never  a  loser. 

The  laws  of  etiquette  have  been  classed 
and  explained  in  the  following  pages,  and 
every  lady  who  does  not  wholly  disregard 
the  ordinary  courtesies  of  life,  will  find  this 
little  volume  a  valuable  drawing  room  com- 
panion. -  !-iV  :-?f-' ' ';   -'■■■ 


:  rx 


i^:.;,:ij;^.^-'. 


\ 


~trisi"~---^  v.grr  "^^'^iamny^'''"' 


CONTENTS 


he  gains  re- 


True  Politeness 

Introductions 

Introductory  Letters 

Notes  and  Cards  of  Invitation 

Visiting      .... 

New- Year's  Day 

trowing  and  other  Salutations 

Promenading      . 

A.  Lady  in  her  own  House 

Dress  .       .       . 

Conversation 

Correspondence 

Receiving  and  acknowledging  Presents 

Punctuality 

Servants     «... 

Etiquette  of  the  Dinner  Table 

etiquette  of  the  Ball  Room. 


PAOC 

.  7 

.  10 

.  14 

.  15 

.  17 

.  22 

.  24 

.  25 

.  27 

.  90 

.  32 

.  40 

.  42 

.  44 

.  45 

.  47 

.  54 


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ETIQUETTE 

FOR  LADIES. 


CHAPTER  I. 


TRUE  POLITENESS. 


True  Politeness  is  the  offspring  of  ;^«jod« 
breeding  and  good-nature.  Persons  may  be 
ceremonious,  but  they  cannot  be  really  ^o- 
lite  without  retaining  some  kindly  feehng 
towards  their  neighhours— without  beine 
willing  to  overlook  the  faults^  and  to  search 
out  the  virtues  of  their  fellow  creatures. 

The  manners  of  a  man  mav  lose  their 
grace  and  refinement  by  too  close  applica- 
tion to  business,  or  to  literary  pursuits,  but 
want  of  polish  in  a  lady  is  inexcusable.  It 
is  essentially  her  province  to  please,  and 
politeness  has  been  termed  the  '*  art  of  plea- 
sing." 

To  be  courteous,  she  should  accommodate 
her  feelings  to  the  feelings  of  those  with 


8 


ETIQUETTE 


whom  she  is  associating.  She  may  differ 
from  them  in  opinion,  but  always  with  an 
air  which  says  that  her  own  opinion  is  not, 
of  course,  iniallible. 

Pope  says  that  **  true  politeness  consists 
in  bemg  easy  oneself,  and  making  everybody 
about  one  as  easy  as  one  can." 

Byron  expressed  an  equally  correct  senti- 
ment when  he  said  of  married  women — 

**  They  know  the  world  and  are  at  ease,  ^ 
And  oeing  natural,  naturally  please." 

Tlie  principal   rules  of  politeness  are : — 

To  subdue  the  temper. 

To  submit  to  the  weaknesses  of  our  fel- 
low-men. 

And  to  render  to  all  their  due,  freely  and 
courteously. 

To  do  this  effectually  it  requires— judg- 
ment to  recommend  ourselves  to  those  whom 
we  may  meet  in  society,  and  discrimination 
to  know  when  and  to  whom  to  yield,  as 
well  as  discretion  to  treat  all  with  the  de- 
ference due  to  their  reputation,  their  station, 
or  their  merit. 

Sincerity  is  another  essential  charactc  ris- 
tic  of  courtesy.  It  is  the  want  of  this  which 
makes  society  what  it  is  said  to  be,  artifi- 
cial. 

Good-breeding,  in  a  great  measure,  con- 


\ 


I 


j 


may  differ 
s  with  an 
lioa  is  not, 

iss  consists 
everybody 

rrect  s  enti- 
omen — 

:  ease, 
Me."     ^ 

less  are : — 

of  our  fel- 

freely  and 

ires— judg- 
lose  whom 
crimination 
)  yield,  as 
itn  the  de- 
leir  station, 

:haractc  ris- 
this  which 
I  be,  artifi- 

asure,  con- 


SIS 

hu 
un 
ni( 
Tt 
shi 
ou 
ha 

tec 
ths 

J 

tO( 

in  ] 

sec 
me 
eve 

1 
rou 
ma 
wa; 
aloi 
the 
a  n 

\ 
she 
litei 
feel 

T 


FOR   LADIES. 


sists  in  being  easy,  but  not  indifferent ;  good- 
humoured,  but  not  familiar ;  passive,  but  not 
unconcerned.  It  includes,  also,  a  sensibility, 
nice,  yet  correct, — a  taet,  delicate,  yet  true. 
There  is  a  golden  mean  in  the  art  which  it 
should  be  every  one's  object  to  attain,  with- 
out descending  to  obsequiousness  on  the  one 
hand,  or  to  familiarity  on  the  other. 

A  failing  in  conduct  or  an  infirmity  in 
temper,  is  more  easily  excused  in  society 
than  any  deficiency  in  politeness. 

Arrogance  is  one  of  the  greatest  obstacles 
to  courtesy.  Pride  is  highly  culpable  either 
in  male  or  female. 

A  kind  word,  or  a  gracious  smile,  will 
secure  that  good-will,  which  a  haughty  de- 
meanour, or  a  high  look,  may  forfeit  for 
ever. 

The  really  courteous  woman  has  a  tho- 
rough knowledge  of  human  nature,  and  can 
make  allowance  for  its  failings.  She  is  al- 
ways consistent  with  herself.  The  polite 
alone  know  how  to  make  others  polite ;  as 
the  ffood  know  how  to  inspire  others  with 
a  relish  for  virtue. 

When  a  lady  uses  too  much  ceremony 
she  violates  one  of  the  principal  rules  of  po- 
liteness, for  she  does  not  make  her  guests 
feel  at  ease. 

The  most  polite  etiquette  does  not  oblige 


. 


•    ,1 


10 


ETIQUETTE 


I 


you  to  observe  all  the  finical  rules  of  po- 
liteness, where  they  are  certain  to  be  nei- 
ther understood  nor  appreciated. 

There  cannot  be  greater  rudeness  than 
displaying  any  of  the  real  polish  of  conven- 
tional rules,  amongst  those  who  are  so  ill-ac- 
quainted with  them  as  to  appear  more  igno- 
rant than  yourself. 

Whoever  at  home  or  abroad  talks  much 
about  what  is  genteel  or  fashionable,  or 
what  is  the  reverse,  shows  that  she  is  her- 
self unacquainted  with  true  good  breeding. 
The  term  genteel  is  only  found  in  the  mouths 
of  those  who  have  it  nowhere  else. 


CHAPTER  II. 


:}lSJt'^i 


%■ 


■■^iW'i^ 


INTRODUCTIONS. 


As  a  general  rule,  do  not  introduce  a  gen- 
tleman to  a  lady  without  first  privately 
asking  her  permission. 

In  going  through  the  ceremony  of  intro- 
ducing pronounce  the  name  of  the  lady  first, 
adding,  *'  permit  me  to  present  to  you 
Mr.  - 


»» 


■.-^,. 


FOR   LADIES. 


11 


In  introducing  two  gentlemen,  present  the 
younger  one  to  the  elder,  or  the  one  of  low- 
er rank  to  the  one  of  higher.  If  the  gentle- 
men are  about  the  same  age,  and  equals  in 
society,  present  the  stranger  to  the  one  with 
whom  you  are  most  intimate.  The  best 
form  of  expression  that  can  be  used  in  intro- 
ducing two  gentlemen,  who  are  in  the  same 

circle,  is  to  say, "  Mr. ,  let  me  make  you 

acquainted  with  Mr. .'*    But  if  you  are 

addressing   an  elderly  gentleman  always 

say,  "  Mr. permit  me  to  present  to  you 

Mr. ." 

A  lad)[  should  always  be  perfectly  at  her 
ease  while  introducing  her  friends  to  one 
another,  as  she  has,  while  performing  this 
necessary  little  ceremony,  great  opportunity 
of  proving  whether  or  not  her  manners  are 
truly  graceful. 

It  is  not  considered  fashionable  to  intro- 
duce two  persons  who  accidentally  meet  in 
your  parlour,  and  who  are  paying  you  a 
morning  visit.  The  object  of  this  custom 
in  France,  (where  it  nrst  arose,)  was  to 
prevent  formality,  as  visitors  were  expected 
to  converse  together  without  an  introduc- 
tion, and  were  afterwards  at  liberty  to  re- 
cognise each  other  or  not  just  as  they  plea- 
sed. It  is  therefore  in  good  taste,  if  you  find 
your  guests  do  not  converse  together  with- 


'tm 


ETIQUETTE 


out  an  introduction,  to  present  them  to  one 
another. 

Never  introduce  in  the  street,  unless  the 
third  person  joins  and  "walks  with  you. 
You  may  make  an  exception  to  this  rule 
when  the  parties  are  mutually .  desirous  of 
knowing  one  another.  If  you  are  walkins^ 
with  one  lady  do  not  stop  to  converse  with 
others  who  are  unknown  to  her,  as  she 
must  necessarily  feel  unpleasant.  If  you  are 
walking  with  a  gentleman  you  may  follow 
the  bent  of  vour  mclination,  for  if  he  is  well 
bred  he  will  attend  your  pleasure  without 
evincing  either  impatience  or  awkwardness. 

A  lady  is  at  liberty  to  take  either  another 
lady  or  a  gentleman  to  pay  a  morning  visit 
to  a  friend,  without  asking  permission ;  but 
she  should  never  allow  a  gentleman  the 
same  liberty ;  if  he  desires  to  make  any  of 
his  friends  known  to  her,  he  must  first  ask 
if  the  acquaintance  would  be  agreeable. 

A  lady  who  is  invited  to  an  evening  as- 
sembly may  always  request  a  gentleman  who 
has  not  been  invited  by  the  lady  of  the 
house,  to  accompany  her. 

Acquaintances  made  in  travelling,  or  ac- 
cidentally in  public  places,  have  no  claim 
to  more  than  a  passing  bow  if  you  after- 
wards find  that  the  acquaintanceship  is  not 
particularly  desirable. 


\. 


FOE   LADIES. 


13 


When  a  gentleman  is  presented  to  a  lady, 
if  she  is  in  her  own  house  and  desires  to 
welcome  him,  she  may  shake  hands  with 
him :  but  on  any  other  occasion,  unless  the 
gentleman  is  venerable,  or  the  bosom  friend 
of  the  husband  or  father,  this  practice  is  re- 
prehensible. 

The  same  rule  should  be  observed  when 
a  lady  is  introduced  to  a  lady,  although  in 
this  country  tne  habit  of  shaking  hands  is 
very  general. 

In  mtroducins  a  friend,  be  as  cautious  of 
saying  too  much  in  his  favour  as  too  little, 
for  if  the  introduced  be  really  the  possessor 
of  very  good  qualities,  they  will  soon  be 
found  out,  and  more  appreciated  than  if  they 
had  in  the  first  instance  been  all  told. 

At  a  large  dinner  or  evening  parly,  al- 
though some  persons  strictly  adhere  to  the 
French  custom  of  not  introducing,  the  mis- 
tress of  the  house  shows  real  politeness  by 
presenting  to  one  another  those  persons 
whom  she  thinks  will  assimilate  m  their 
dispositions.  If  there  are  strangers  present, 
a  party  in  America  is  apt  to  become  formal 
through  the  omission  of  introductions ;  not 
so  in  Paris,  where  everybody  converses  with 
his  neighbour  without  going  through  the 
unnecessary  ceremony  of  a  presentation. 


{/^ 


u 


ETIQUETTE 


W 


CHAPTER  III. 

mTRODUCTORY  LETTERS. 

A  LETTER  of  Introduction  should  be  en- 
closed in  an  envelope,  and  left  unsealed. 

Letters  of  Introduction  should  only  be  ad- 
dressed to  persons  upon  whom  you  have 
some  claim  for  civility,  or  to  whom  the  ac- 
quaintance of  the  friend  you  introduce  must 
necessarily  be  agreeable. 

The  card  and  address  of  the  person  for 
whom  the  introduction  is  intended  should 
be  enclosed  within  the  letter.  The  letter 
will  be  acknowled^fed  in  the  course  of  three 
days,  either  by  a  visit  or  an  invitation.  If 
no  answer  is  received,  you  may  infer  that 
the  person  who  gave  the  letter  had  no  right 
to  do  so. 


^ 


FOR   LADIES. 


15 


CHAPTER  IV. 


NOTES  AND  CARDS  OF  INVITATION. 


Invitations  should  be  sent  in  the  name 
of  the  lady  of  the  house. 

The  usual  form  is  simply  "  Mrs. 

requests  the  pleasure  of  Mr.  and  Mrs. 's 

company  on "  The  eve- 
ning, the  date  of  that  evening,  and  if  the 
party  is  small  the  hour,  are  then  inserted. 

If  the  daughters  and  sons  of  the  family 
are  invited,  a  separate  note  is  sent  to  the 
Misses and  another  to  the  Messieurs 


The  answer  should  be  "  Mr.  and  Mrs. 


accept  with  pleasure  Mrs. *s  invita- 
tion for  Thursday  evening  next ;"  (or  what- 
ever evening  it  may  be ;)  the  date  of  the 
day  in  which  the  answer  is  written  is  pla- 
ced on  the  left  hand,  at  the  bottom  of  the 
note. 

If  a  refusal  is  sent  it  should  be  expressed 

as  follows:  "Mr.  and  Mrs. regret 

that  it  will  not  be  in  their  power  to  accept 
Mrs. 's  invitation  for  Thursday  eve- 
ning next,"  the  date  as  before. 

Replies  or  invitations  couched  in  unusual 


'I 

I 

t 

-ft,' 

■1 


r 


16 


ETIQUETTE 


forms  of  speech,  (unless  the  party  is  a  very 
small  and  sociable  one)  denote  a  want  of 
breeding. 

A  note  of  invitation  or  a  reply  is  always 
enclosed  in  an  envelope. 

Sealing  wax  should  be  of  fancy  colours, 
or  if  a  wafer  is  used,  it  must  be  a  transpa- 
rent one,  designed  for  ladies'  notes. 

If  a  lady  invites  another  lady  whom  she 
has  never  visited,  she  encloses  her  card. 

Invitations  should  be  answered  within 
two  days.  If  you  send  an  acceptance,  and, 
when  the  appointed  day  arrives,  are  unable 
to  attend,  be  sure  to  despatch  an  excuse  be- 
fore evening. 

.  Printed  cards  are  issued  when  the  ball  is 
large.  For  a  fancy  ball  the  invitations  are 
sent  out  three  weeks  beforehand.  For  a 
large  ball  ten  or  seven  days — for  smaller 
ones  five  days,  and  for  parties  three  and  two 
days. 

Never  invite  only  one  day  before  your 
party  takes  place,  unless  you  give  the  mvi- 
tation  in  person. 

For  invitations,  use  finely  glazed  and  gilt 
edged  paper,  perfectly  unadorned  unless 
with  the  stamp  of  your  crest  or  initials. 


I- 


t- 


t 


''^^•v 


^X 


ty  IS  a  very 
a  want  of 

\f  is  always 

acy  colours, 
\  a  transpa- 
es. 

whom  she 
ler  card, 
ired  within 
)tance,  and, 
,  are  unable 
1  excuse  be- 

the  ball  is 
iritations  are 
nd.  For  a 
for  smaller 
ree  and  two 

efore  your 
ve  the  invi- 

zed  and  gilt 
rned  unless 
initials. 


I' 


1} 


FOR   LADIES. 


17 


« 


CHAPTER  V. 

VISITING. 

<*  If  a  lady,"  says  Mrs.  Parks,  ''be  enga- 
ged with  light  needlework  when  visitors 
enter,  it  promotes  ease  and  is  not  inconsist- 
ent with  good  breeding  to  continue  her  em- 
ployment during  conversation ;  particularly 
if  the  visit  be  protracted,  or  the  visitors  be 
gentlemen." 

It  is  generally  in  bad  taste  to  greet  her 
female  friends  with  a  kiss,  when  there  are 
gentlemen  present  with  whom  she  is  not 
very  intimate.  There  are  of  course  many 
occasions  when  this  rule  may  be  deviated 
from.  Of  these  the  lady  must  herself  be  the 
judge.  ^^ 

Unless  her  guests  are  advanced  in  yelife 
she  should  not  accompany  them  toti^|^|eor. 
If  she  is  living  in  style  she  will  ring  SilleU, 
when  they  take  leave,  for  a  servant  t0Wt» 
tend  them. 

When  you  enter  a  drawing  room  where 
there  is  a  ball  or  a  party,  if  possible  salute 
the  lady  of  the  house  before  speaking  to 
anybody  else.    Even  your  most  intimate 


18 


ETIQUETTE 


friends  are  to  appear  invisible  until  you  have 
made  your  courtesy  to  your  entertainer. 

In  Paris  it  is  customary  for  a  lady  to  enter 
a  ball-room  without  taking  the  arm  of  the 
gentleman  by  whom  she  is  attended — she 
also  crosses  the  room  at  pleasure  without 
any  assistance — this  custom  is  sometimes 
adopted  in  the  higher  circles  in  England  and 
America,  and  promotes  ease. 

When  you  leave  a  room  before  the  oth- 
ers, go  without  speaking  to  any  one,  if  pos- 
sible, unseen. 

In  company,  though  none  are  *'  free,"  yet 
all  are  "  equal."  All  therefore  whom  you 
meet,  should  be  treated  with  respect,  al- 
though interest  may  dictate  toward  each 
different  degrees  of  attention.  It  is  disre- 
spectful to  the  inviter  to  shun  any  of  her 
guests.  Those  whom  she  has  honoured  by 
asking  to  her  house,  you  should  sanction, 
by  admitting  to  your  acquaintance. 

If  you  meet  any  one  whom  you  have 
never  heard  of  before  at  the  table  of  a  gen- 
tleman, or  in  the  drawing-room  of  a  lady, 
you  may  converse  with  him  or  her  with  en- 
tire propriety.  The  form  of  "  introductions" 
is  nothing  more  than  a  statement  by  a  mu- 
tual friend,  that  two  persons  are  by  rank  and 
manners  fit  acquaintances  for  one  another. 


FOK    LADIES. 


19 


All  this  may  be  presumed  from  the  fact, 
that  both  meet  at  a  respectable  house. 

Men  of  all  sorts  of  occupations  meet  in 
society.  As  they  go  there  to  unbend  their 
minds  and  escape  from  the  fetters  of  busi- 
ness, you  should  never,  at  an  evening  party, 
speak  to  a  man  about  his  profession. 

If,  in  paying  a  morning  visit,  you  are  not 
recognized  when  you  enter,  mention  your 
name  immediately.  If  you  call  to  visit  one 
member  of  the  family,  and  you  find  oth- 
ers only  in  the  parlour,  introduce  yourself 
to  them.  Much  awkwardness  may  occur 
through  defect  of  attention  to  this  point. 

If  your  visit  is  merely  one  of  ceremony, 
do  not  wait  too  long;  if  the  party  is  not  at 
home,  leave  your  card.  This  equally  enti- 
tles you  to  a  return  visit  as  if  you  had  found 
her  at  home. 

Visits  of  ceremony,  although  made  after 
noon,  are  called  morning  visits. 

In  ordinary  visits,  leave  a  single  card ; 
but  if  there  be  residing  in  the  family  a  mar- 
ried daughter,  an  unmarried  sister,  a  guest, 
or  any  person  in  a  distinct  situation  from 
the  mistress  of  the  house,  and  you  acquaint- 
ed with  them,  leave  separate  cards  for  each. 
Some  ladies  fold  down  one  corner  of  a  card 
when  they  wish  to  denote  that  their  visit  is 
only  to  one  member,  and  two,  three,  or  even 
four  corners,  when  it  is  to  the  same  num- 


20 


ETIQUETTE 


ber  of  persons ;  but  the  custom  is  nearly  ob- 
solete. 

If  you  accidentally  forget  the  name  of  the 
person  you  are  addressing,  the  easiest  and 
most  polite  mode  of  discovering  it,  is  with- 
out constraint  to  ask  him  his  name,  making 
some  casual  remark  about  the  difficulty  of 
remembering  names,  and  your  unfortunate 
aptitude  to  forget  them.  \ 

When  a  lady  visits  you  for  the  first  time, 
her  visits  should  be  returned  within  three 
days,  or  at  the  latest  within  a  week. 

When  you  are  invited  to  a  party,  you 
should  call  on  the  person  from  whom  the 
invitation  came,  on  the  third  or  fourth  day 
after  the  party  has  taken  place.  To  leave 
your  card,  without  inquiring  if  the  lady  is 
at  home,  is  sufficient. 

It  is  ill-bred  to  wear  your  veil  over  your 
face  while  paying  a  visit. 
■■'  Visits  of  condolence  are  made  the  week 
after  a  death  has  occurred  in  the  family  you 
are  visiting.  If  you  are  related  to  the  af- 
flicted persons,  call  immediately. 

Visits  of  congratulation,  after  a  marriage, 
birth,  &c.  should  be  made  within  a  fort- 
night. 

Farewell  visits  should  be  made  only  a 
few  days  before  your  departure  from  the 
city.  It  is  only  necessary  to  leave  your 
card  with  P.  P.  C.  (Pour  prendre  congecy) 


FOR   LADIES. 


21 


or  P.  D.  A.  {Pour  dire  Adieut)  written  upon 
it. 

Only  two  visits  a  year  are  due  to  per- 
sons with  whom  you  are  not  very  well  ac- 
quainted. 

If  you  do  not  wish  to  receive  a  visit,  3rou 
run  less  risk  of  giving  offence  hy  desiring 
your  servants  to  say  tJiat  you  are  "  not  at 
homei''  than  by  sending  word  that  you  are 
engaged.  The  former  form  has  been  ob- 
jected to  on  the  plea  that  it  was  t^Uing  a 
falsehood,  and  teaching  your  servants  to 
do  the  same.  But  it  is  easy  to  explain  to 
a  domestic  that  **  not  at  home*'  is  under- 
stood as  *'  not  at  home  to  company — not  in 
the  parlour  to  receive  company ;''  and  the 
mode  of  expression  being  generally  under- 
stood in  society,  it  cannot  oe  accounted  a 
falsehood. 

To  peep  through  the  blinds  of  a  windtrac, 
or  over  the  bannisters,  when  the  street  do$; 
bell  rings,  is  decidedly  vulgar. 


\ 


22 


ETIQUETTE 


CHAPTER  VI. 


%> 


NEW    YEAR  S     DAT. 

It  is  the  custom  in  Paris,  in  New  York, 
and  in  several  other  cities,  both  in  Europe 
and  America,  for  gentlemen  to  call  upon  the 
whole  circle  of  their  lady  acquaintances  on 
the  first  day  of  the  year.  The  omission  of 
'j'  this  observance  in  regard  to  any  particular 
family,  would  be  considered  a  decided  slight. 
Its  influence  on  the  social  intercourse  of  fam- 
ilies is  very  salutary  ;  the  first  day  of  the 
year  is  considered  a  day  of  kindness  and 
reconciliation,  on  which  petty  differences  are 
forgotten,  and  trifling  injuries  forgiven.  It 
sometimes  happens,  that  between  friends 
long  connected,  a  misunderstanding  takes 
place.  Each  is  too  proud  to  make  conces- 
sions, alienation  follows,  and  thus  are  two 
families,  very  probably,  permanently  estran- 
ged. But  on  this  day  of  mutual  amnesty^ 
each  of  the  offended  parties  calls  on  the  wife 
of  the  other,  kind  feelings  are  recalled,  past 
grievances  are  forgotten,  and  at  their  next 
meeting  they  take  each  other  by  the  hand, 
and  are  again  friends. 

On  New-Year*s  day,  the  ladies  of  the  fam- 
ily are  expected  to  be  dressed  at  as  early  an 
hour  as  ten  o'clock. 


N 


FOR  LADIES. 


23 


Cakes,  wines,  and  liquors  are  spread  upon 
a  side  table :  this  is  all  the  refreshment  that 
is  absolutely  necessary;  but  sometimes  a 
large  table  is  spread  with  a  handsome  colla- 
tion in  the  back  parlour.  It  is  not  unusual  to 
serve  hot  coffee. 

The  ladieb  of  the  family  on  this  day  inva- 
riably shake  hands  with  their  guests,  and 
request  them  to  help  themselves  to  a  glass 
of  wine,  or  partake  of  the  refreshments. 

The  visits  paid  are  always  short, 
those  who  have  a  great  number  of  visitA 
pay,  merely  leave  their  cards.  ,    ^ 

The  street  doors  are  all  thrown  open, 
that  visitors  may  not  be  delayed  in  gaining 
admission. 

If  a  lady  does  not  receive  company,  her 
door  is,  of  course,  closed,  but  she  should 
station  a  servant  near  it  to  answer  the  bell 
on  the  instant,  and  receive  the  cards. 

Ladies  are  expected  to  be  in  readiness 
throughout  the  first  week  of  the  new  year, 
to  receive  those  visits  which  were  not  paid 
on  New-Year's  Day. 


r 


H 


ETIQUETTE 


CHAPTER  VII. 


BOWING  AND  OTHER  SALUTATIONS. 

It  is  bad  taste  to  courtesy  in  the  street, 
and  in  equally  bad  taste  to  bow  stiffly.  A 
slight  bend  of  the  body,  at  the  same  time 
that  you  incline  the  head,  forms  the  most 
graceful  and  affable  salutation. 

A  smile  is  natural  on  meeting  a  friend, 
and  if  it  is  necessary  to  bow  coldly  to  an 
acquaintance,  it  is  quite  as  well  not  to  bow 
at  all. 

A  sentleman  should  always  lift  his  hat 
entirely  from  his  head  on  saluting  a  lady — 
unless  he  does  this,  his  salutation  deserves 
no  return. 

Bows  should  be  mutual  and  made  at  the 
same  moment,  but  when  they  are  unavoida- 
bly otherwise,  the  lady  should  bow  first  to 
the  gentleman,  as  a  token  that  she  permits 
him  to  recognize  her.  If  she  does  not  do  so, 
he  is  not  at  liberty  to  salute  her,  and  runs 
the  risk  of  finding  his  salutation  unanswered. 

Low  courtesies  are  now  entirely  obsolete, 
unless  you  are  courtesying  to  a  very  old  lady 
— then,  as  a  mark  of  respect,  you  may  bend 
lower  than  usual. 


FOR   LADIES. 


25 


On  entering  a  ball-room,  your  courtesy  to 
the  lady  of  the  house  should  be  a  little  more 
marked  than  it  is  when  you  are  making  a 

•  •     • . 


morning  visit. 


When  a  lady  is  introduced  to  you,  you 
may  say,  "  1  am  very  happy  to  make  your 
acquaintance,"  but  there  are  few  cases 
where  this  remark  can  be  addressed  with 
propriety  to  a  gentleman  from  a  lady.  It  is 
always  a  favour  for  him  to  be  presented  to 
her,  therefore  the  pleasure  should  be  on  his 
side. 

"  I  am  happy  to  see  you,"  is  a  very  usual 
expression  on  greeting  a  visitor. 


CHAPTER  VIII. 


PROMENADING. 

Every  lady  should  study  to  carry  herself 
gracefully,  and  practise  walking  in  her 
chamber,' that  she  may  obtain  a  graceful  gait. 
It  has  been  said  of  the  American  women, 
that  while  they  are  the  most  beautiful  in  the 
world,  their  carriage  is  worse  than  that  of 
any  other  nation. 

Request  the  gentleman  with  whom  you 
re  walking  to  keep  the  step  with  you,  and 


/ 


^' 


26 


ETIQUETTE 


do  not  walk  with  either  gentleman  or  lady 
who  has  not  learned  to  do  this. 

Two  i)ersons  of  dissimilar  gaits,  walking 
side  by  side,  look  particularly  awkward. 

An  unmarried  lady  should  not  take  the 
arm  of  an  unmarriea  gentleman  (unless  at 
night,  or  when  the  pavement  is  slippery ;)  if 
she  takes  his  arm,  it  is  to  be  presumed  that 
she  is  engaged  to  him. 

A  married  lady  may  take  the  arm  of  her 
intimate  friends  of  the  other  sex.  Two  la- 
dies should  not  walk  arm  in  arm  unless  one 
of  them  is  much  older  than  the  other. 

A  lady  should  never  take  the  arms  of  two 
gentlemen  at  the  same  time.  In  the  eve- 
ning two  ladies  may  take  the  arms  of  one 
gentleman. 

Gentlemen  walk  on  the  outside  of  the 
street,  ladies  always  on  the  inside. 

A  ffentleman  may  walk  between  two  la- 
dies, out  it  looks  better  to  see  him  walking 
on  the  outside  of  the  street. 

Do  not  stop  more  than  an  instant  in  the 
street  to  converse  with  a  friend  ;  it  is  not 
polite  to  make  those  who  are  passing  walk 
out  of  their  way. 


FOR  LADIES. 


27 


••i.^ 


"%'^ 


CHAPTER  IX. 


A  LADY  IN  HEPw  OWN  HOUSE. 

A  LADY  can  never  appear  to  as  much  ad- 
vantage as  when  doing  the  honours  of  her 
own  house.  It  is  especially  her  province  to 
entertain  her  guests,  and  she  cannot  enter- 
tain them  without  being  courteous  to  all. 
All  lier  guests  for  the  time  being  are  ecjualf 
and  have  an  equal  claim  upon  her  attention ; 
if  any  difference  be  shown,  lei  it  be  towards 
those  of  lesser  rank. 

She  should  never  enter  her  own  house 
without  bowing  to  any  one  she  may  meet 
there,  and  she  should  on  no  account  find 
fault  with  either  servants  or  children  before 
strangers. 

At  an  evening  entertainment,  no  matter 
how  large  a  number  of  guests  may  be  as- 
sembled, she  should  pass  quietly  around  the 
room  and  enter  into  conversation  with  every 
one  present  in  turn.  Her  manners  should 
he  characterized  by  gentleness  and  suavity, 
and  she  should  evince  no  over-anxiety  to 
jilease,  and  no  disquietude  lest  every  thing 
should  not  go  on  smoothly. 

It  is  the  height  of  rudeness  to  press  a  per- 


I )« 


r 


i^ 


28 


ETIQUETTE 


son  to  sing  or  play  who  refuses  to  do  so.  A 
lady  has  no  right  to  force  others  to  entertain 
her  company.  She  should  never  take  of- 
fence at  any  remark  made  by  her  guests — 
nor  even  make  an  answer,  however  witty, 
which  might  possibly  wound. 

In  offering  a  favour,  take  care  to  do  it  so 
as  not  to  offend  the  delicacy  of  the  one  to 
whom  it  is  offered.  Never  press  a  favour 
after  it  has  been  refused. 

Affectation  is  a  deviation  from,  at  the 
same  time  that  it  is  an  imitation  of,  nature. 
It  is  the  effect  of  bad  taste,  and  of  mistaken 
notions  of  one's  own  qualities.  The  other 
vices  have  each  a  particular  object,  but  af- 
fectation pervades  and  renders  disagreeable 
the  whole  conduct  and  behaviour.  Beauty 
itself  loses  its  attraction  when  disfigured  by 
affectation.  Even  to  copy  from  the  best 
models  is  wrong,  because  tne  imitation  can 
never  be  so  good  as  the  original. 

The  eye  of  a  mistress  alone,  can  so  regu- 
late an  establishment,  that  visitors  may  at 
all  times  be  received;  and  though  she 
should  never  make  her  household  arrange- 
ments a  subject  of  conversation,  nothing 
that  contributes  to  the  comfort  of  her  do- 
mestic circle  is  beneath  her  notice. 

Lady  Mary  Wortley  Montague  observes, 
that  *'  the  most  minute  details  of  house- 
hold economy,  become  elegant   and  refined, 


i.'fl 


FOR   LADIES. 


29 


when  they  are  ennobled  by  sentiment ;" — 
and  they  are  truely  ennobled  when  we  do 
them  either  from  a  sense  of  duty,  or  con- 
sideration for  a  parent,  or  love  to  a  husband. 
"  To  furnish  a  room,"  continues  this  lady, 
*'  is  no  longer  a  common-place  affair,  shared 
with  upholsterers  and  cabinet-makers  ;  it 
is  decorating  the  place  where  I  am  to  meet 
a  friend  or  lover.  To  order  dinner,  is  not 
^lierely  arranging  a  meal  with  my  cook,  it 
is  preparing  refreshment  for  him  whom  1 
love.  These  necessary  occupations,  viewed 
in  this  light,  by  a  person  capable  of  strong 
attachment,  are  so  many  pleasures,  and  a^ 
ford  her  far  more  delight  than  the  fancies 
and  shows  which  constitute  the  amusements 
of  the  world." 

A  well-ordered  house  has  been  fitly 
compared  to  a  watch,  all  the  wheels  and 
springs  of  which  are  out  of  sight,  and  it  is 
only  known  that  they  exist,  and  are  in  order, 
by  the  regularity  with  which  their  results 
are  brought  about. 


H 


\ 


30 


ETIQUETTE 


CHAPTER  X. 


DRESS. 


A  LADY  receiving  evening  company  in  her 
own  house,  should  be  more  plainly  dressed 
than  her  guests. 

It  is  not  in  Paiis  considered  ill-bred  to  no- 
tice and  admire  the  toilette  of  your  neigh- 
bour— to  remark  the  furniture — to  examme 
the  paintings  about  the  room,  or  to  look  at 
the  books ;  although  in  America,  many  per- 
sons who  pretend  to  fashion,  consider  this 
exhibition  and  interest  vulgar,  and  a  mark 
that  one  is  unaccustomed  to  luxuries. — 
This  idea  is  evidently  erroneous,  and  it  is 
always  gratifying  to  both  men  and  women, 
to  find  that  their  dress,  furniture,  &c.,  meet 
your  approval. 

It  is  in  bad  taste  for  a  lady  to  draw  on 
her  gloves  when  visitors  enter,  for  it  seems 
to  say  that  their  presence  prevents  her 
employing  her  hands. 

Gloves  should  always  be  removed  at  din- 
ner. 

Mils  are  more  appropriate  than  gloves  to 
be  worn  in  the  house. 

A  lady  may  shake  hands  without  remo- 
her  glove,  but  a 


vmg 


gentleman  should 


FOR  LADIES. 


31 


I ' 


never  offer  his  gloved  hand  to  one  of  the 
other  sex. 

The  neglect  of  the  outward  appearance, 
indicates  either  a  little  mind,  or  a  disregard 
of.  the  opinion  of  your  neighbours.  One 
should  always  be  neat  and  clean  in  person, 
and  in  dress,  because  this  is  an  evidence  of 
respectability.  No  lady  who  has  any  regard 
for  herself,  or  any  respect  for  the  society  in 
which  she  moves,  will  be  slovenly  in  her 
appearance,  or  careless  in  her  attire. 

It  is  true,  there  is  danger  of  being  too 
particular;  but  every  lady  is  entitled  to  fol- 
low her  own  taste  as  to  dress,  provided  she 
dresses  suitably — that  is,  according  to  her 
age,  circumstances,  and  station  in  society. 

The  young  of  either  sex,  but  particularly, 
the  female,  ought  to  regard  their  external 
deportment  and  appearance,  as,  to  a  certain 
extent,  essential  to  character.  To  dress 
simply,  and  without  ostentation,  is  a  mark 
of  modesty;  and  it  will  be  sufficient  to  some 
ladies  merely  to  hint,  that  too  much  finery  of- 
ten draws  attention  to  features,  which,  in 
themselves,  are,  perhaps,  not  particularly 
attractive.  But  in  endeavouring  to  avoid 
every  thing  like  display,  young  ladies,  es- 
pecially, should  be  careful  not  to  fall  into 
the  opposite  extreme — that  of  prudery.-- 
There  is  more  sincerity,  if  there  is  less  ni- 
cety, in  the  conduct  of  a  really  virtuous 
woman,  than  there  is  in  that  of  a  prude;  and 


32 


ETIQUETTE 


some  degree  of  freedom,  so  far  from  being 
incompatible  with  the  strictest  virtue,  is  one 
of  its  princi][)al  privileges. 

If  a  lady  is  obliged  to  receive  company 
en  deshabille f  it  is  a  sign  of  her  good  breed- 
ing, if  she  appears  perfectly  at  ease,  and 
makes  little  or  no  apology  for  her  appear- 
ance. A  person  who  changes  her  manners 
with  her  garb,  must  be  innately  vulgar. 


CHAPTER  XL 


CONVERSATION. 

This  is  a  subject  which  requires  the  ut- 
most tact  and  discretion.  It  consists,  in  a 
great  measure,  of  vain  compliments,  the 
current  rumors  of  the  day,  idle  jests,  super- 
ficial wit,  scandal  without  end  or  purpose.— 
How  few  are  able  to  sustain  a«.«erious  con- 
versation, or  prolong  a  useful  one ! 

Chit-chat,  which  is  generally  harmless,  is 
always  amusing;  but  every  thmg savouring 
of  scandal,  ought  at  all  times  to  be  sedu- 
lously avoided. 

If  you  wish  to  secure  attention,  address 
yourself  to  the  capacity  of  those  to  Avhoni 
you  speak,  by  not  appearing  to  be  more 
learneu  than  they  are;    by  which  means 


FOR    LADIES. 


33 


you  may  draw  out  their  knowledge,  which 
otherwise,  they  will  keep  to  themselves. — 
It  is  common  enough,  to  hear  persons  who 
have  acquired  a  smattering  of  science,  con- 
stantly using  technical  terms,  but  which 
they  frequently  misapply.  The  truly  learn- 
ed, make  no  such  pretensions. 

Politeness  will  teach  you  the  tact  of  di- 
recting the  conversation  to  such  topics  as  you 
know  to  be  agreeable,  or  in  which  you  be- 
lieve those  in  whose  company  you  may  be 
are  most  versant. 

Good  humour,  when  it  "is  kept  within 
bounds,  is  the  charm  of  conversation,  which 
is  always  the  belter  for  a  little  seasoning  of 
wit.  But,  as  has  been  remarked,  wit  with- 
out wisdom  is  a  dangerous  weapon.  To 
take  upon  you  to  furnish  mirth  for  tne  whole 
company  is  not  only  undignified,  but  you 
will  find  it  a  most  arduous  task.  A  profess- 
ed wit,  though  his  company  may  be  courted, 
can  never  himself  be  esteemed. 

It  is  not  contrary  to  good  breeding  to 
laugh  in  company,  and  even  to  laugh  hear- 
tily, when  there  is  anything  amusing  going 
on ;  this  is  nothing  more  than  being  socia- 
ble. To  remain  prim  and  precise  on  such 
an  occasion  is  sheer  aflcctation. 

In  conversation,  you  will  find  it  the  best 
way  not  to  be  ambitious  of  saying  smart 
things.    Every  one,  however,  is  now  mort* 
c 


"^ 


u 


ETIQUETTE 


brilliant  than  his  neighbour,  and  one  is  al- 
most forced  to  be  witty  in  self-defence. 

There  is  nothing  more  annoying  than  in- 
terruption, except  perhaps  contradiction. — 
The  person  who  is  speaking  to  you,  whoev- 
er it  may  be,  or  on  whatever  topic,  except  a 
personally  insulting  one, — for  that  admits  ot 
no  license, — is  entitled  to  a  patient  hearing; 
and,  when  a  (juestion  is  asked,  courtesy  re- 
quires that  a  reply  of  some  kind  or  other 
should  be  immediately  given. 

Contradiction  is  the  greatest  rudeness  any 
one  can  be  guilty  of,  and  many  persons  will 
not  brook  it,  for  it  creates  a  sort  of  revulsion 
in  the  feelings  which  it  is  sometimes  ditfi- 
cult  to  control. 

Argument,  as  usually  managed,  (says 
Swift,)  is  the  worst  sort  of  conversation. — 
Sir  Walter  Scott  is  said  to  have  so  regulat- 
ed the  conversation  at  his  table,  that  when- 
ever it  approached  towards  an  argument  be- 
tween two  of  the  parly,  by  imperceptible  but 
sure  means,  he  contrived  to  clieck  their  mo- 
nopoly, and  turn  the  conversation  into  chan- 
nels of  more  general  interest. 

The  great  business  in  company  is  conver- 
sation. It  should  be  studied  as  an  art. — 
Style  in  conversation  is  as  important,  and  as 
capable  of  cultivation,  as  style  in  writing. — 
The  manner  of  saying  things  is  what  gives 
them  their  value. 


FOR    LADIES. 


35 


The  most  important  requisite  for  succeed- 
ing here,  is  constant  and  unfaltering  atten- 
tion. That  which  Churchill  has  noted  as 
the  greatest  virtue  on  the  stage,  is  also  the 
most  necessary  in  company, — to  be  "  always 
attentive  to  the  business  of  the  scene." — 
Your  understanding  should,  like  your  per- 
son, be  armed  at  all  points.  Never  go  mto 
society  with  your  mind  en  deshabille.  It  is 
fatal  to  success  to  be  at  all  absent  or  distrait. 
The  secret  of  conversation  has  been  said  to 
consist  in  building  upon  the  remark  of  your 
companion.  Men  of  the  strongest  minds, 
who  have  solitary  habits  and  bookish  dispo- 
sitions, rarely  excel  in  sprightly  colloquy, 
because  they  seize  upon  the  thing  itself, — 
the  subject  abstractly, — instead  of  attending 
to  the  language  of  other  speakers,  and  do 
not  cultivate  verbal  pleasantries  and  refine- 
ments. He  who  does  otherwise  gains  a 
reputation  for  quickness,  and  pleases  by 
sliowing  that  he  has  regarded  the  observa- 
tion of  others. 

It  is  an  error  to  suppose  that  conversation 
consists  in  talking.  A  more  important  thing 
is  to  listen  discreetly.  Mirabeau  said,  **  that 
to  succeed  in  the  world,  it  is  necessary  to 
submit  to  be  taught  many  things  which  j^ou 
understand,  by  persons  who  know  nothing 
about  them."  Flattery  is  the  smoothest 
path  to  success ;  and  tnc  most  refined  and 


86 


ETIQUETTE 


gratifying  compliment  you  can  pay,  is  to  lis- 
ten. La  Bruyere  says,  "the  wit  of  conver- 
sation consists  more  in  finding  it  in  others, 
than  in  showing  a  great  deal  yourself;  he 
who  goes  from  your  conversation  pleased 
with  himself  aiid  his  own  wit,  is  perfectly 
well  pleased  with  you.  Most  men  had  rath- 
er please  than  admire  you,  and  seek  less  to 
be  mstructed, — nay,  delighted, — than  to  be 
approved  and  applauded.  The  most  deli- 
cate pleasure  is  to  please  another." 

Patience  is  a  social  engine,  as  well  as  a 
Christian  virtue.  To  listen,  to  wait,  and  to 
be  wearied,  are  the  certain  elements  of  good 
fortune. 

If  there  be  any  foreigner  present  at  a  din- 
ner party,  or  small  evening  party,  who  does 
not  understand  the  language  which  is  spo- 
ken, good  breeding  requires  that  the  conver- 
sation should  be  carried  on,  as  far  as  possi- 
ble, entirely  in  his  language.  Even  among 
your  most  intimate  friends,  never  address 
any  one  in  a  language  not  understood  by  all 
the  others.     It  is  as  bad  as  whispering. 

If  upon  the  entrance  of  a  visitor  you  con- 
tinue a  conversation  begun  before,  you 
should  always  explain  the  subject  to  the 
new-comer. 

It  is  sometimes  Hatlery  to  accept  praises. 

It  is  an  error  to  imagine  that  men  arc 
less  intoxicated  with  llattery  than  women. 


■V"?;  - 


FOR    LADIES. 


37 


I 


The  only  difference  is,  that  esteem  must  be 
expressed  to  women,  but  proved  to  men. 

Never  attempt  to  take  the  lead  in  conver- 
sation: if  you  are  entitled  to  it,  you  will 
soon  get  it  without  striving  after  it,  and  it 
will  be  more  graciously  acknowledged  by 
your  so  doing. 

Few  things  are  more  agreeable  or  more 
difficult,  than  to  relate  anecdotes  with  entire 
propriety.  They  should  be  introduced 
gracefully,  have  fit  connection  with  the  pre- 
vious remarks,  and  be  in  perfect  keeping 
with  the  company,  the  subiect,  and  the  tone 
of  conversation  ;  they  should  he  short,  witty, 
and  eloquent,  and  they  should  be  new,  but 
not  far-fetched. 

In  rapid  and  eager  discourse,  when  per- 
sons are  excited  and  impatient,  repeat  noth- 
ing but  the  spirit  and  soul  of  a  story,  leap- 
ing over  the  particulars.  There  are,  how- 
ever, many  places  and  occasions  in  which 
you  may  bring  out  the  details  with  advan- 
tage, precisely,  but  not  tediously.  When 
you  repeat  a  true  story,  be  always  extreme- 
ly exact. 

Never  talk  at  people ;  but  if  you  must  tell 
your  opinion,  talk  to  them  at  once. 

Do  not  repeat  the  name  of  the  individual 
to  whom  you  are  talking,  and  never  address 
any  one  with  the  terra  Mr.,  or  Mr.  P.,  un- 


.'  i 


38 


ETIQUETTE 


less  you  add  the  whole  name ;  it  is  a  gross 
impertinence. 

It  is  allowable  in  some  cases  to  conceal 
our  sentiments ;  but  we  ought  never  to  do  so 
for  the  purpose  of  deceiving  others.  Make 
it  a  rule  never  to  give  utterance  to  a  false- 
hood :  in  all  circumstances,  and  whatever  be 
the  consequence,  adhere  to  truth.  To  be  de- 
tected in  any  subterfuge,  is  to  subject  your- 
self to  continual  suspicion ;  for  no  credit  can 
ever  be  given  to  one  who  has  once  been  con- 
victed of  an  untruth.  Though  neither  truth 
nor  sincerity  oblige  us  to  speak  what  we 
think  ifl.  all  cases,  we  should  in  no  case  say 
what  we  do  not  think. 

Avoid  the  habit  of  employing  French 
words  in  conversation.  In  general  society, 
never  quote  from  any  author  unless  in  En- 
glish. 

It  is  not  considered  good  taste  for  a  lady 
to  say  "yes,  «Sir,"  and  "  no,  Sifi^*  to  a  gen- 
tleman, or  frequently  to  introduce  the  word 
Sir  at  the  end  of  her  sentences,  unless  she 
desires  to  be  exceedingly  reserved  towards 
the  person  with  whom  she  is  conversing. 

The  voice  of  a  woman  should  be  well 
modulated,  and  she  cannot  take  too  much 
pains  in  learning  the  true  pronunciations  of 
the  words  she  uses,  whether  English  or  fo- 
reign. She  should  by  all  means  avoid  an 
affected  tone  of  voice — neither  speaking  too 


I    I 


FOR    LADIES. 


39 


loud  nor  yet  too  low.  The  former  may  bring 
on  her  the  accusation  of  rudeness  ;  the  lat- 
ter subject  her  to  the  charge  of  whispering 
— which  is  at  all  times  an  invidious  thing. 
In  conversatit  n  avoid  such  phrases  as  "My 
dear  sir,  or  madam,"  unless  they  are  ad- 
dressed to  persons  with  whom  you  are  very 
intimate. 

The  desire  of  pleasing  is,  of  course,  the 
basis  of  social  conversation.  Those  who  en- 
ter society  with  the  intention  of  producing 
an  effect,  and  of  being  distinguished,  how- 
ever clever  they  may  be,  are  never  agreea- 
ble. They  are  always  tiresome,  and  often 
ridiculous. 

A  recent  writer  on  etiquette  has  said  that 
"the  whims  and  caprices  of  women  in  socie- 
ty should,  of  course,  be  tolerated  by  men, 
who,  themselves,  require  toleration  for 
greater  inconveniences.  But  this  must  not 
be  carried  too  far.  There  are  certain  limits 
to  empire  which,  if  they  themselves  forget, 
should  be  pointed  out  to  them  with  delicacy 
and  politeness.  You  should  be  the  slave  of 
the  ladies,  but  not  of  their  fancies."  A 
lady  should  therefore  be  very  careful  not  to 
make  an  unreasonable  request  of  her  warm- 
est admirer,  for  he  may  lose  his  esteem  for 
her  while  he  is  obeying  her  caprices. 

Every  woman  should  pav  due  deference 
to  the   aged,  and  especially  in  her  own 


40  ETIQUETTE 

house  devote  herself  to  the  entertainment 
of  those  advanced  in  years.  The  old  are 
generally  complimentea  by  the  attentions 
of  the  jDungf  and  the  latter  will  not  find  it 
diffic  .It  to  render  their  conversation  agreea- 
ble to  th«ir  seniors. 


CHAPTER  XII. 


CORRESPONDENCE. 

In  writing  a  letter  to  a  gentleman  with 
whom  you  are  not  very  intimate,  commence 
by  writing  his  name,  and  beneath  it  a  little 
in  advance,  "  My  Dear  Sir,"  or  "  Sir." 

Remember  that  the  terms  of  compliment 
at  the  close  of  a  letter — **  YouiS  very  res- 
pectfully, &c.,"  are  merely  forms  signifying 
nothing.  Do  not  therefore  avoid  them  be- 
cause you  dislike  the  person  addressed.  A 
lady's  letter  should  always  be  enclosed  in 
an  envelope,  unless  it  is  going  to  some  dis- 
tance, and  the  postage  would  be  increased 
by  the  extra  sheet. 

In  writing  to  a  lady  put  the  name  of  the 
lady  addressed  at  the  bottom  of  the  letter, 
towards  the  left  hand  corner. 


w 


\<  M 


FOR   LADIES. 


41 


Ladies  are  sometimes  obliged  to  writ  ■ 
business  letters,  and  they  should  remember 
that  in  these,  as  well  as  in  other  epistles, 
politeness  should  not  be  altogether  over- 
looked ;  courtesy  never  loses  anything,  but 
on  the  contrary  is  always  a  gainer.  A  bu- 
siness letter  should  be  answered  as  soon  as 
possible.  It  is  a  gross  breach  of  etiquette 
if  you  permit  the  letter  of  a  friend  to  remain 
longer  than  a  fortnight  unanswered. 

All  notes  should  be  enclosed  in  envelopes. 

Business  letters  should  be  written  on 
plain  paper. 

The  most  appropriate  ornament  for  either 
letter  or  note  paper  is  a  stamp  of  the  crest 
or  initials  of  the  writer. 

Wafers  are  of  course  never  used ;  a  large 
seal  to  a  lady's  letter  is  in  bad  taste. 

In  letters,  not  on  business,  to  gentlemen, 
always  place  the  date  at  the  end  of  the  let- 
ter. 

It  is  considered  a  mark  of  respect  to  com- 
mence a  letter  towards  the  middle  of  the 
page.  The  lower  towards  the  middle  it  is 
commenced  the  greater  is  the  deference  ex- 
pressed. Between  friends  this  custom 
would,  of  course,  be  absurd. 

Figured  and  coloured  paper  may  be  used 
by  ladies,  but  pure  white  paper,  with  gilt 
edges,  is  more  strictly  in  good  taste. 


I  ; 


I 


•  '  1 


I 


42 


ETIQUETTE 


CHAPTER  XIII. 

RECEIVING  AND  ACKOWLEDGING  PRESENTS. 

Among  friends,  presents  ought  to  be  made 
of  things  of  small  value ;.  or,  if  valuable, 
their  worth  should  be  derived  from  the  style 
of  the  workmanship,  or  from  some  acciden- 
tal circumstance,  rather  than  from  the  inhe- 
rent and  solid  richness.  Especially,  never 
offer  to  a  lady  a  gift  of  great  cost :  it  is  in 
the  highest  degree  indelicate,  and  looks  as 
if  you  were  desirous  of  placing  her  under 
an  obligation  to  you,  and  of  buying  her  good 
will.  The  gifts  made  by  ladies  to  gentle- 
men must  be  of  the  most  refined  nature 
possible :  they  should  be  little  articles  not 
purchased,  but  deriving  a  priceless  value  as 
being  the  offspring  of  their  gentle  skill ;  a 
little  picture  from  their  pencil,  or  a  trifle 
from  their  needle. 

If  you  make  a  present,  and  it  is  praised 
by  the  receiver,  you  should  not  yourself 
commence  undervaluing  it.  If  one  is  offered 
to  you,  always  accept  it,  and  however  small 
it  may  be,  receive  it  with  civil  and  express- 
ed thanks,  without  any  kind  of  affectation. 
You  sometimes  confer  a  greater  favour  in 
receiving  a  present  than  in  presenting  one. 


A 


'43 


FOR   LADIES. 


PENTS. 

e  made 
aluable, 
he  style 
acciden- 
he  inhe- 
y,  never 

it  is  in 
looks  as 
er  under 
her  good 
3  gentle- 
l  nature 
icles  not 
value  as 
skill ;  a 
'  a  trifle 

I  praised 
yourself 
5  offered 
er  small 
express- 
3Ctation. 
ivour  in 
ing  one. 


Avoid  all  such  deprecatory  phrases,  as  "  I 
fear  I  rob  you,"  &c. 

When  a  lady  receives  a  present  from  a 
lady,  it  should  always  be  immediately  ac^ 
knowledged  by  a  note  or  a  visit. 

If  the  present  is  from  a  married  or  elder- 
ly gentleman,  it  should  be  likewise  acknow- 
ledged by  a  note  ;  but  if  from  a  young  gen- 
tleman. It  will  be  time  enough  to  express 
your  indebtedness  when  he  calls  upon  you. 

It  is  difficult  and  generally  rude  for  a  lady 
to  refuse  a  present.  Should  the  gift  be  sent 
by  a  gentleman,  there  are  circumstances  un- 
der which  she  may  be  forced  to  do  so,  and 
she  should  then,  without  delay,  write  him 
a  polite  note  returning  his  present. 

All  New- Year's  gifts,  be  the  givers  who 
they  may,  are  accepted  by  the  well  bred. 

To  acknowledge  a  present  by  immediate- 
ly sending  another,  is  an  obsolete  custom, 
which  says  very  pointedly,  "  I  do  not  choose 
to  be  under  obligations  to  you."  If  the  re- 
ceiver of  a  gift  wishes  to  return  the  com- 
pliment, she  should  first  permit  a  month  to 
elapse.  ^ 


f  I 


Wli 


I  I 


Jl 


44?  ETIQUETTE 

CHAPTER  XIV. 

,  PUNCTUALITY. 

In  every  requirement  of  life,  punctuality 
is  indispensable.  In  business,  it  is  so  neces- 
sary that  it  has  become  a  proverb.  To  in- 
sure your  own  comfort  and  respectability,  it 
is  essentially  requisite  that  you  should  in  all 
things  be  punctual.  ,  In  correspondence, 
particularly,  it  ought  to  be  the  mvariable 
rule.  Besides  the  embarrassment  and  con- 
fusion which  arise  from  the  accumulation 
of  unanswered  letters,  there  is  a  danger  of 
loss  of  friends  by  neglecting  to  acknowledge 
their  communications  till  it  is  too  late.  This 
would  easily  be  prevented  by  following  the 
Duke  of  Wellington's  plan,  and  answering 
every  letter,  no  matter  on  what  subject,  if  it 
requires  an  answer,  as  soon  as  you  can  after 
receiving  it. 

There  is  one  species  of  punctuality  which 
is  most  essential  to  comfort — and  that  is,  as 
regards  a  dinner  invitation.  Some  people 
think  that,  by  arriving  a  little  before^  or 
preciselj^  at  the  hour  appr>inted,  they  will 
be  considered  as  having  come  too  soon, 
while  the  not  coming  till  a  little  beyond  it 
adds  to  their  importance.  But  this  is  a  mis- 


FOR   LADIKS, 


45 


taken  idea.  In  genteel  society  no  family 
waits  beyond  the  hour  fixed ;  and  if  you 
should  arrive  after  the  company  have  taken 
their  places,  you  will  be  received  for  form's 
sake,  with  as  much  courtesy  as  the  rest, 
but  you  will  be  deemed  by  all  present  igno- 
rant of  what  is  right. 

Punctuality  as  to  time  is  very  important. 
In  making  an  appointment  with  any  one, 
you  are  bound,  both  in  honour  and  duty,  to 
keep  it  exactly  at  the  hour ;  for,  however 
much  you  may  be  disposed  to  squander 
away  your  own  time,  you  have  no  right  to 
waste  that  of  another,  which  may  be  pres- 
sing and  valuable. 


CHAPTER  XV. 


SERVANTS. 

Few  ladies  are  aware  how  frequently 
their  own  conduct  is  judged  by  that  of  their 
servants.  No  lady  should  tolerate  ill-man- 
ners, or  sullen  domestics,  and  most  espe- 
cially, if  they  evince  the  slightest  absence 
of  respect  to  visitors. 

For  a  lady  to  reprove  a  servant   before 


46 


ETIQUETTE 


her  guests,  is  unpardonable  ;  for  she  not  on- 
ly evinces  little  consideration  for  the  feelings 
of  the  domestic,  but  she  makes  her  guests 
feel  unpleasantly. 

When  she  is  receiving  company,  the  du- 
ties of  her  domestics  should  previously  be 
so  explicitly  explained  to  them,  that  they 
are  not  obliged  to  address  her,  or  receive 
even  a  signal  from  her.  If,  through  some 
omission,  this  has  been  forgotten,  or  her  or- 
ders are  not  obeyed,  she  should  quietly  call 
the  servant  to  her,  and  express  her  wishes 
in  a  subdued  tone,  but  without  whispering  ; 
passing  the  matter  over  as  lightly  as  possi- 
ble. If  she  whispers,  it  is  evident  that 
she  is  not  at  ease. 

The  demeanour  of  a  lady  towards  a  ser- 
vant, whether  in  company  or  in  private, 
should  be  mild.  By  showing  her  domestics 
consideration ,  she  teaches  them  to  be  con- 
siderate in  return.  She  should  take  an  in- 
terest in  them,  and  their  affairs,  giving 
them  counsel  when  ihey  need  it,  but  strictly 
avoiding  all  familiarity. 

Every  lady  should  msist  upon  her  ser- 
vants answering  the  street  door  bell,  as  well 
as  any  other  bell,  the  instant  they  are  rung. 
If  persons  are  forced  to  ring  twice,  they  can 
not  but  feel  that  the  house  at  which  they 
are  visiting,  is  not  well  regulated. 


VOR   LADIES.  4Y 


CHAPTER  XVI. 

ETIQUETTE  OF   THE  DINNER    TABLE. 

To  perform  faultlessly  the  honours  of  the 
table,  is  one  of  the  most  difficult  duties  im- 
posed by  society. 

The  lady  of  the  house,  to  make  her 
friends  feel  at  ease,  should  express  no  anxi- 
ety, and  mention  no  disappointment  to  them. 

When  the  servant  announces  that  dinner 
is  served,  every  gentleman  conducts  a  lady 
to  the  dining  room.  If  the  company  mere- 
ly pass  from  one  room  to  another,  he  gives 
the  lady  his  right  hand  ;  if  they  descend  a 
stair,  he  gives  her  the  wall. 

The  lady  of  the  house  should  be  led  to 
the  dining  room  by  the  principal  person  pres- 
ent, or  the  person  in  whose  honour  the  din- 
ner is  given. 

She  should  enter  the  dining  room  first, 
and  taiie  her  station  at  the  head  of  the  ta- 
ble ;  for  if  she  enters  it  last,  as  was  form- 
erly the  custom,  she  finds  some  difficulty  in 
assigning  seats  to  her  guests,  which  it  is 
her  duty  to  do,  if  there  are  ladies  amongst 
the  company. 

The  gentleman  of  the  house,  should  al- 
ways enter  last.  ■.^„., 


1 


|i 


i 


\ 


I  ." 


> 


I 


4» 


ETIQUETTE 


The  ladies  take  their  seats  immediately, 
but  the  gentlemen  remain  standing,  until 
every  lady  present  is  seated. 

The  conversation  of  the  dinner  table 
should  be  very  general. 

Napkins,  and  finger  glasses,  are  essential 
in  all  refined  society. 

When  the  party  is  lar^e,  it  is  customary 
for  the  table  to  be  beautifully  spread  with 
th6  dessert,  and  decked  with  flowers :  the 
viands  are  then  carved  by  servants  at  side 
tables.  When  this  is  the  case,  the  cloth  is 
not  removed. 

Too  great  a  display  of  plate,  or  too  daz- 
zling a  show  of  cnrystal,  unless  upon  some 
particular  occasion,  is  in  bad  taste.  Sim- 
plicity is  the  soul  of  good- breeding,  as  it  is 
the  essence  of  natursil  beauty ;  and  to  put 
your  visitor  on  a  footing  with  yourself,  is 
the  best  compliment  you  can  pay  him. — 
When  you  see  company,  therefore,  let  the 
table  be  set  out  tastefully,  but  not  ostenta- 
tiously ; — in  a  manner  suitable  to  your  sta- 
tion, but  not,  as  it  were,  to  exhioit  your 
pride  and  wealth,  more  than  your  hospitali- 
ty and  social  feeling. 

At  a  party,  never  take  soup  or  fish  twice:  at 
at  a  family  dinner,  this  is  not  of  consequence. 

Never  refuse  taking  wine  on  bein^  asked: 
you  are  not  bound  to  do  more  than  sip  your 
glass. 


jdiately, 
gy  until 

r    table 

essential 

stomary 
ad  with 
ers:  the 
5  at  side 
cloth  is 

too  da2- 

on  some 

Sim- 

f  as  it  is 

id  to  put 

iirself,  is 

y  him. — 

let   the 

ostenta- 

vour  sta- 

mt  your 

lospitali- 

twice;  at 
equence. 
ig  asked: 
sip  your 


H 


I    ; 


FOE   LADIES. 


49 


Never  load  the  plate  of  any  one ;  and  in 
helping  sauce,  do  not  cover  the  meat  or  veg- 
etables, but  put  it  on  one  side  of  the  plate. 
Never  put  more  than  one  spoonful  of  soup 
into  a  plate. 

Take  care  that  the  bread  be  cut  in  a  cube 
form,  not  in  slices,  but  in  pieces  of  about  an 
inch  and  a  half  thick. 

Knives  were  made  for  cutting,  and  those 
who  carry  food  to  their  mouths  with  them, 
frequently  cut  their  lips.  Eat  always  with 
a  fork  or  a  spoon — unless,  indeed,  in  those 
old  fashioned  houses,  where  there  are  only 
i  too-pronged  forks,  you  are  obliged  to  use 
your  knife.  No  one,  however,  who  gives 
parties,  omits  to  have  broad  silver  forks.  In 
using  your  fork,  hold  it  in  your  right  hand. 

As  knives  spoil  the  delicacy  of  fish»  and 
are  apt  to  be  corroded  with  the  sauce,  fish 
is  sfeneraily  eaten  with  the  assistance  of  a 
fork  and  a  piece  of  bread. 

Peas,  curry,  tarts,  and  pudding,  should 
be  eaten  with  a  spoon  rather  than  a  fork. 

In  helping  any  one  at  table,  it  is  not 
proper  to  use  a  knife  and  fork,  if  a  spoon 
can  be  as  conveniently  substituted. 

In  supping,  eating,  and  drinking,  make  as 
little  noise  as  possible. 

Never  press  people  to  eat  more  than  they 
chc  )se :  never  press  any  particular  dish ;  i( 
is  sufficient  to  recommend  it 


I 


50 


ETIQUETTE 


Never  send  away  your  own  plate  until  all 
your  guests  have  done  so. 

Ladies  should  never  have  gloves  on  at 
dinner;  servants  should  never  want  them; 
ahove  all,  take  care  that  your  servants' 
gloves  be  clean  and  white. 

If  a  plate  be  sent  to  you,  at  dinner,  by 
the  master  or  mistress  of  the  house,  you 
should  always  take  it,  without  offering  it  to 
all  your  neighbours,  as  was  in  olden  times 
considered  necessary.  The  spirit  of  antique 
manners,  consisted  in  exhibiting  an  atten- 
tion to  ceremony ;  the  spirit  of  modem  man- 
ners, consists  in  avoiding  all  possible  ap- 
pearance of  form. 

When  you  are  helped  to  any  thing  at  a 
dinner  table,  do  not  wait  with  your  plate  un- 
touched, until  others  have  begun  to  eat. — 
This  stiff  piece  of  mannerism,  is  often  oc- 
curring in  the  country,  and  indeed,  among 
all  persons  who  are  not  thoroughly  bred. — 
As  soon  as  your  plate  is  placed  before  you, 
you  should  take  up  your  knife,  and  arrange 
the  table  furniture  around  you,  if  you  do  not 
actually  eat. 

Among  choice  cuts,  and  delicacies,  be  it 
remembered  in  carving,  are  the  sounds  of 
cod-fish,  the  thin  or  fat  of  salmon,  the  thick 
and  fins  of  turbot,  the  fat  of  venison,  lamb, 
and  veal  kidney  ;  the  pope's  eye  of  a  leg  of 
mutton,  the  ribs   and  neck   of  a  pig ;  the 


1^ 


FOR    LADIES. 


51 


breast  and  wings  of  a  fowl ;  the  legs  and 
back  of  a  hare,  and  the  ears,  which  are  of 
great  delicacy ;  the  breast  and  thighs,  (with- 
out the  drumsticks,)  of  turkey  and  goose ; 
the  legs  and  breast  of  ducks ;  or '^.  the 
wings  and  breast  of  game  g  ei«..  al- 
though the  back  is  highly  relished. 

Fish  should  be  helped  in  handsome  slices. 
Salmon  and  all  short  grained  fish,  should 
be  cut  lengthwise,  and  not  across. 

Although  handsome  slices  are  admired  in 
carving  poultry,  for  a  larore  party,  it  is  bet- 
ter to  cut  slices  from  side  to  side,  than  to 
leave  so  much  on  the  wings. 

The  prime  pans  of  a  partridge  are  the 
breast  and  wings,  the  tips  of  the  latter  be- 
ing exquisite  delicacies. 

In  helping  a  pigeon  pie,  if  the  birds  be 
not  previously  divided,  take  them  out  separ- 
ately on  a  plate,  and  cut  each  asunder. 

The  fairest  mode  of  cutting  a  ham,  so  as 
to  eat  fat  and  lean  evenly,  is  to  begin  at  a 
hole  in  the  centre  of  the  thickest  part,  and 
cut  from  it  thin  circular  slices;  by  this 
means  also,  the  moisture  and  flavor  of  the 
ham  are  best  preserved. 

If  you  are  complimented  on  the  excel- 
lence of  your  dishes,  or  the  choiceness  of 
your  wines,  receive  such  praise  with  a  mod- 
est acknowledgment,  ahd  with  no  affected 
airs. 


«i^.>' 


-1 


\ 


n 


52 


ETIQUETTE 


When  your  friends  come  to  see  you  un- 
invited, do  the  best  you  can  to  entertain 
them,  but  make  no  comment  or  apology ; 
for  that  always  sounds  to  your  guests  like  a 
reproach  for  taking  you  unawares. 

The  greatest  hospitality  is  generally  to 
be  found  among  persons  of  small  income ; 
who  are  content  to  live  according  to  their 
means,  and  never  give  any  great  dinners ; 
for  nothing  can  be  further  from  true  hospi- 
tality, than  the  spirit  in  which  such  enter- 
tainments are  usually  given. 

There  are  two  stingy  practices  which  de- 
serve reprobation ;  first,  having  the  dining- 
room  fire  lighted  only  just  before  dinner,  so 
that  when  the  company  enter,  the  room  is 
not  warmed ;  secondly,  letting  the  fire  go 
out  in  cold  weather,  before  the  guests. 

It  is  customary  for  the  ladies  to  retire  a 
short  time  after  they  have  partaken  of  the 
dessert.  The  lady  of  the  house  ought  to 
make  use  of  considerable  tact,  in  choosing 
the  right  moment  to  withdraw,  taking  care 
not  to  interrupt  the  conversation  of  her 
guests.  There  are  always  occasional  pau- 
ses which  occur,  and  of  one  of  these  she 
must  avail  herself.  She  should  catch  the 
eye  of  the  lady  nearest  her  on  her  right, 
and,  if  possible,  on  her  left  also,  and  slight- 
ly inclining  her  head,  rise  without  haste. — 
The  ladies  follow  her  from  the  apartment, 


)L 


FOR   LADIES. 


53 


and  all  the  gentlemen  rise  from  their  seats, 
and  do  not  resume  them  until  the  last  lady 
has  retired. 

Coffee  is  served  in  the  drawing  room,  a 
couple  of  hours  after  the  ladies  leave  the 
table. 

Most  of  the  gentlemen  either  join  them 
then  or  before,  but  there  are  generally  a 
few  who  prefer  to  remain  at  the  table. 

At  small  parties,  the  gentlemen  leave  the 
table  at  the  same  time  with  the  ladies,  and 
coffee  is  served  more  promptly. 

There  is  one  practice,  to  which,  in  gen- 
eral, literary  and  studious  men  are  addicted, 
upon  which  a  remark  may  not  be  thrown 
away; — that  is,  seizing  upon  a  book  and 
readmg,  when  the  person  so  offending  ought 
to  be  in  conversation  with  the  lady  or  gen- 
tleman seated  beside  him.  It  is  a  sure 
mark  of  the  want  of  knowledge  of  the 
world,  to  be  guilty  of  such  a  practice ;  it  ex- 
fa.  /ts,  also,  an  undeniable  preference  of  the 
book  to  the  company,  for  which,  the  person 
who  shows  himself  so  devoid  of  good  breed- 
ing, is  either  unsuited,  or  he  is  desirous  of 
arrogating  to  himself  a  privilege  allowed 
to  none — namely,  the  privilege  of  being 
rude. 


54 


ETIQUETTE 


CHAPTER  XVII. 


ETIQUETTE  OF   THE   ^ALL  ROOM. 


The  Bali-Room  should  be  an  assemblage 
of  elegance,  beauty,  good  humour,  and  vi- 
vacity, united  witfi  the  utmost  purity  and 
propriety  of  conduct.  The  absence  of  some 
of  these  indispensable  requisites  from  our 
public  assemblies,  has  in  the  minds  of  ma- 
ny persons  created  a  prejudice  against  the 
art  of  dancing,  which,  abstractedly,  it  by  no 
means  merits.  There  is,  no  doubt,  some  con- 
siderable difference  between  the  etiquette 
of  a  public  and  a  private  ball-room,  but  they 
are  essentially  the  same.  The  chief  differ- 
ence is  in  the  freedom  of  intercourse  which 
is  allowable  between  partners.  Every  one 
will  see  that  in  a  select  company,  where 
each  is,  to  some  extent,  personally  known, 
and  the  fact  of  their  invitation  a  guarantee 
for  their  respectability,  a  much  greater  de- 
gree of  intimacy  between  parties  is  to  be 
tolerated  than  would  be  at  all  proper  in  a 
public,  and  consequently  promiscuous  as- 
sembly. 

In  one  case,  an  invitation  given  should 
never,  if  possible,  be  refused;  that  is,  when 
a  lady  requests  the  company  of  a  gentleman 


■^^ 


emblage 
and  vi- 
irity  and 
of  some 
rom  our 
of  ma- 
linst  the 
it  by  no 
ome  con- 
etiquelte 
but  they 
ief  differ- 
36  which 
Ivery  one 
y,  where 
(  known, 
guarantee 
:eater  de- 
is  to  be 
:oper  in  a 
luous  as- 

;n  should 
t  is,  when 
rentleman 


u 


FOR   LADIES. 


55 


— with  wnom  she  has  no  personal  acquain- 
tance— to  a  ball,  through  the  medium  of  a 
third  person ;  this  is  stepping  beyond  the 
prescribed  rules  of  politeness,  in  order  to 
shew  a  special  mark  of  civility  ;  and  the 
least  return  the  person  so  honoured  can 
make,  is  to  accept  the  proffered  kindness. 

The  master  of  the  ceremonies  is  a  person- 
age of  much  importance,  as  on  him,  to  a 
vast  extent,  depends  whether  the  entertain- 
ment shall  become  a  scene  of  refined  de- 
light, or  an  unmeaning  combination  of 
"  wearisome  nothingness."  He  should  be 
a  real  professor  of  the  art,  united  with  the 
feelings  and  the  manners  of  a  gentleman. 
And  as  he  knows  himself,  in  his  official  sta- 
tion, to  be  by  common  consent,  constituted  a 
recognised  dictator,  from  whose  decision 
there  is  no  appeal,  he  should  be  especially 
careful  never  to  assume  a  tone  or  manner,' 
so  peremptory,  as  to  appear  to  be  conscious 
of  his  unlimited  and  unchallenged  power. 
It  is  his  especial  duty  to  see  that  all  the  ar- 
rangements are  so  made  as  to  produce  the 
most  agreeable  sensations  in  the  minds  of 
all :  while  nothing  should  be  omitted  that 
is  likely  to  contribute  to  the  individual 
pleasures  of  each. 

No  gentleman  should  venture  to  enter  a 
ball-room  who  has  not  learnt  to  dance ;  and 
in  all  other  respects,  so  to  conduct  himseU, 


56 


ETIQUETTE 


as  to  impress  the  idea  of  feeling  himself  per- 
fectly at  home.  It  has  been  remarked,  with 
some  severity,  but  with  much  truth,  by  the 
Abbe  Meunier,  that  **  A  young  man  who 
cannot  dance,  should  go  to  battle  and  lose  a 
leg,  with  all  possible  expedition,  as  he  will 
then  have  a  palpable  excuse  for  his  awk- 
wardness.'' And  the  bitter  satire  of  Lord 
Chesterfield,  upon  a  self-conceited  specimen 
of  masculine  humanity,  conducting  himself 
so  as  to  insure  the  contempt  of  any  well  re- 
gulated assembly  into  which  he  might  in- 
trude, is  so  well  known,  that  it  is  needless 
to  quote  it  here.  Nothing  is  more  prepos- 
terous than  for  a  man  whose  station  in  so- 
ciety gives  him  a  right  of  entry  among  the 
polished  and  the  gay,  venturmg  to  claim 
the  privilege,  without  having  duly  qualified 
himself,  by  a  due  attention  to  those  rules, 
to  which  he  is  expected  to  conform. 

The  following  rules,  in  reference  to  the 
conduct  of  both  ladies  and  gentlemen,  should 
be  carefully  attended  to. 


GENTLEMEN. 


■<f,- 


No  gentleman  should  attempt  to  dance 
who  has  not  a  competent  acquaintance  with 
the  figures.  If  he  does,  he  will  cause  to  the 
lady,  who  is  unfortunate  enough  to  become 
his  partner,  much  and  serious  incouveni- 


If  per- 
l,  with 
by  the 
n  who 
lose  a 
le  will 
s  awk- 
f  Lord 
jcimen 
imself 
rell  re- 1 
jht  in- 
eedless 
Drepos- 
i  in  so- 
mg  the 
>  claim 
lalified 
;  rules, 

!  to  the 
should 


dance 
ze  with 
}  to  the 
become 
onveni- 


ssataaessss 


FOR  LADIES. 


57 


ence.  The  figures  in  ffeneral  are  very  sim- 
ple and  can  be  easily  learned.  We  say 
nothing  here  as  to  the  steps.  But  if  a  gen- 
tleman is  not  possessed  of  an  excellent  figure, 
and  great  ease  of  motion,  so  as  to  display  it 
to  advantage,  he  should  avoid  every  ambi- 
tious attempt  at  display.  Let  him  walk 
through  the  Quadrille,  or  perform  his  part 
in  a  gliding  and  graceful  manner,  rather 
than  distress  his  partner  and  make  himself 
ridiculous,  by  "  going  with  pious  scrupulo- 
sity, through  the  one,  two,  three,  of  a  balan- 
cez,  and  snaking  a  vast  frame  in  a  manner 
to  fill  the  by-standers  with  a  reasonable 
dread  lest  it  should  fall  to  pieces." 

If  a  gentleman  solicits  the  honor  of  dan- 
cing with  a  lady,  and  is  told  she  is  engaged, 
it  displays  a  want  of  good  manners  to  solicit 
her  for  the  next  set,  as  for  that  and  several 
others  she  may  be  engaged.  The  polite 
course  is  to  beg  her  to  be  so  condescending 
as  to  name  when  she  will  be  disengaged, 
and  wait  her  pleasure. 

Ease  of  manner,  perfectly  free  from  con- 
straint, but  entirely  removed  from  either 
aff'ectation  or  effrontery,  is  an  essential  re- 
quisite in  a  gentleman.  Indeed,  if  he  cannot 
be  as  easy  in  a  ball  room  as  in  his  own  dom- 
icile, he  had  better  never  quit  the  latter. 
He  must  never  forget,  that  the  ability  to 
dance  well,  does  not  of  necessity,  constitute 


58 


ETIQUETTE 


5 


him  a  gentleman,  and  that  good  sense  and 
an  obliging  disposition  are  essential  to  the 
real  possession  of  that  estimable  character. 

While  standing  up  to  dance,  vou  are  al- 
lowed to  converse,  sotto  voce,  with  your  own 
partner,  but  only  occasionally  with  any 
other  lady.  You  must  also  recollect  that 
in  return  for  the  honour  done  you,  you  are 
bound  to  shew  to  your  partner  the  utmost 
polite  attention.  While  engaged  to  dance 
with  her,  it  would  be  a  piece  of  unpardona- 
ble rudeness  to  quit  her  side.  You  must 
either  sit  or  stand  by  her  until  your  tempo- 
rary engagement  is  dissolvec'..  It  seems  now 
to  be  deemed  hors  de  re^le  to  dance  more 
than  four  sets  with  a  lady,  even  should  she 
be  of  your  own  party.  Nor  should  any  lady 
be  engaged  to  dance  beyond  the  fourth  set 
she  may  happen  to  have  on  her  list.  To  do 
so  would  seem  a  species  of  presumption, 
which  every  well-educated  gentleman  would 
avoid. 

Some  men,  gentlemen  they  call  them- 
selves, think  it  a  mark  of  their  gentility,  to 
act  the  grimacier,  when  dancing.  No  char- 
acter can  be  more  disgusting.  They  only 
insure  for  themselves  the  contempt  of  every 
right-thinking  person  in  the  room. 

Dress  is  a  matter  of  first-rate  importance 
in  a  ball-room.  L  is  reckoned  tne  most 
genteel  for  gentlemen  to  appear  in  black 


FOR    LADIES. 


59 


coats  well  fitted,  and  of  the  newest  fashion. 
A  white  silk  roll-collared  vest,  linen  of  sur- 
passing whiteness,  frilled,  and  with  wrist- 
Dands  of  point  lace,  made  according  to  the 
prevailing  fashion.  If  his  figure  is  well 
made,  the  gentleman  should  wear  black 
tights,  or  trowsers  half  tight,  and  made  to 
look  as  neat  as  possible.  Black  silk  stock- 
ings, and  stock  with  a  neat  bow,  a  hand- 
kerchief of  tine  cambric,  with  a  plain  bor- 
der, and  slightly  perfumed,  and  gloves  of  le- 
mon color,  or  white  kid,  completes  the  attire. 
A  gold  guard  chain,  brequet  en  resle,  slight 
chain  and  seal,  may  be  worn  at  pleasure. 
The  chaussure  must  be  of  patent  leather, 
beautifully  neat,  and  the  tie  a  small  bow, — 
a  large  one  is  vulgar  in  the  extreme.  To 
complete  the  costume  of  the  gentleman,  his 
hair  must  be  exceedingly  well  dressed. 
This  gives  the  finish  to  his  whole  appear- 
ance. 

In  closing  our  instructions  to  gentlemen, 
we  must  remind  them,  that  when  the  hour 
for  taking  refreshment  arrives,  they  have 
an  important  duty  to  perform.  Each  then 
selects  a  lady,  and  solicits  the  honour  of 
leadiiiij  her  to  the  refreshment  table  ;  where 
he  is  to  remain  with  her,  and  to  see  that 
she  is  supplied  with  every  thing  she  desires. 
He  then  conducts  her  back  to  the  dancing 
room. 


I 


. 


/^ 


60 


ETIQUETTE 


LADII:.S. 


I 


We  now  proceed  to  point  out  to  the  fair 
ones,  who  add  brilliancy  and  grace  to  every  as- 
sembly which  is  honoured  by  their  presence, 
such  rules  as  it  is  necessary  for  them  to  ob- 
serve, in  order  to  give  effect  to  those  enter- 
tainmentB,  of  which  they  are  at  once  the 
soul  and  ornament. 

First,  then,  let  our  fair  readers  remember, 
that  in  order  to  enjoy,  they  must  ever  do  all 
in  their  power  to  secure  the  happiness  and 
enjoyment  of  others.  It  is  always  advisable, 
in  frequenting  public  balls,  to  make  up  a 
party  of  your  own  ;  but  this  must  not  engen- 
der a  spirit  of  exc.lusiveness.  You  expect 
the  whole  assemblj  in  some  way  to  con- 
tribute to  your  enjoyment,  and  your  conduct 
and  manners  must  be  such,  as  to  add  some- 
thing to  the  general  harmony.  To  this  de- 
sirable end,  good  nature  and  propriety  of 
conduct  rre  especially  conducive.  All  affec- 
tation should  be  studiously  avoided,  and  all 
that  frowning  and  pouting  sullenness,  which 
so  much  disfigures  the  face  of  beauty.  This 
kind  of  conduct  will  not  only  destroy  your 
own  pleasure,  but  will  cause  you  to  be 
"  marked  ;"  whereas,  it  has  been  well  ob- 
served, "  it  should  be  the  grand  object  of 
your  life,  whether  in  public  or  in  private,  to 


FOR   LADIES. 


61 


pass  along  noiselessly  and  beloved,  and  leave 
only  the  impress  of  fairy  footsteps."  Of  one 
thing  we  warn  you  to  be  especially  careful. 
Pain  not  the  heart  of  a  lover  by  any  unjus- 
titiable  preference  for  a  new  acquaintance, 
whom  you  may  meet  in  a  ball  room.  It  is 
the  height  of  folly,  and  evinces  either  a 
weak,  or  a  vicious  heart,  to  excite  the  feel- 
ings of  jealousy,  and  to  delight  in  the  pow- 
er we  possess  of  giving  pain,  or  planting  a 
thorn  in  that  bosom  which  has  reposed  its 
happiness  in  our  keeping.  The  delib- 
erate coquette  is  one  of  the  most  contempti- 
ble objects  in  creation.         ' 

Some  young  ladies  seem  to  court  distinc- 
tion by  staring  modest  people  out  of  counte- 
nance, or  by  the  loudness  of  their  merri- 
ment ;  this  shews  a  lamentable  want  of 
good  sense,  and  should  be  carefully  avoided. 

It  is  the  acknowledged  privilege  of  a  lady 
to  command  the  unlimited  and  undivided 
attention  of  her  partner,  but  no  one  who 
feels  correctly,  will  so  use  this  power,  as  to 
make  that  a  task  which  should  be  a  source 
of  pleasure  and  delight.  An  excellent  writer 
has  observed,  "  a  man  who  bestows  his  at- 
tentions on  a  woma«,  deserves  in  return,  her 
most  grateful  acknowledgments.  He  has 
chosen  her  from  among  many,  and  can  there 
be  a  more  delicate  tiattery.  Let  her,  there- 
fore, be  invariably  kind  in  her  demeanor, 


i\ 


\a 


i 


; 


i   iv 


I 


62 


ETIQUETTE 


and  above  all  things,  shun  the  temptation 
to  coquet.  Half  the  old  maids  in  these 
realms  might  appropriately  write  that  little 
word  on  their  escutcheons." 

In  reference  to  dress,  much  must  be  left 
to  individual  taste  and  judgment.  But  how- 
ever rich  the  materials  may  be,  let  the  style 
be  simple  and  elegant,  and  such  as  will  ac- 
cord well  with  the  complexion  and  the  figure 
it  is  intended  to  adorn.  The  hair  should  be 
well  dressed,  but  with  as  little  artificial 
adorning  as  possible.  Of  this  part  of  the 
female  form,  it  may  with  truth  be  said, 

"  When  unadorned,  it  is  adorned  the  most.'' 

It  would  be  ridiculous  to  prescribe  what 
misht  be  called  a  ball  room  costume,  since 
fashion  is  ever  varying ;  but  we  may  re- 
mark, that  the  handkerchief  should  be  "fine 
as  a  snowy  cobweb,"  and  perfumed,  just 
sufficiently  to  render  it  agreeable.  Your 
gloves  should  be  of  white  kid,  your  shoes 
small,  fitting  with  the  nicest  exactness. 
These  should  be  perfect  in  their  kind. 

In  conclusion,  we  would  remark,  that 
both  ladies  and  gentlemen  should  draw  on 
their  gloves  in  the  dressing  room,  and  never 
be  for  one  moment  without  them  in  the  ball 
room.  At  the  time  of  taking  refreshment, 
of  course,  they  must  be  taken  off'.  No  well- 
educated  person  would  eat  in  gloves. 


V 


.vUL,.':,M..b7.^ 


T" 


I 


FOR   LADIES. 


63 


You  should  never  go  to  a  public  ball  until 
a  late  hour.  In  going  to  private  balls  atten- 
tion must  be  paid  to  the  habits  of  the  invi- 
ter.  Some  persons  would  be  curprised  to 
see  their  guests  before  eleven  o'clock,  while 
others  would  be  equally  annoyed  if  they  did 
not  arrive  by  seven  or  eight. 


END. 


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0.  B.1SIEBER  ^  CO.  would  call  attention. 
^     to  the  Series  of 

USEFUL  6c,  POPULAR  WORKS, 

Noic  puMifhed  Mid  la  cuurae  of  publieatkni  by  thenW^ 


Uuful  Bookifor  thi  Peopk. 

N  >.  I,-~MIUI.  BI«US'6  BOVSEKEEPmG  If  ABB 
EAflVl  oic^  eoi|ipl«te  Iitftrnctor  in  all  Braneheaof 
Cookery  i^  Domeiitie  Seonomy— containins  up- 
wardfi  tiif  ittte  receipts  of  dally  uae  In  lOl  fttnlltee— 
adapted  Ut  the  Wants  of  tbe  Ladtei  of  tbe  0nlted 
States.  Bv  an  American  IMp  Copyrigbt.  cliztb 
e(iition.    Price  95  cents. 

No.  9.~A  WINTER  GOT  FOR  LADIESi  being  In- 
strnetlom  In  Knl#iv,  Wmng,  and  Cr^liit  Work, 
wt^additlonf.    By  an  Americaa  Latfy. 

No.  l-^ABER!»«allnr'8  F^ttLT  FHXI 

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